hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Never joke about your clitoris.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
