its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I want a musical about memes.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
