I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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