ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
