but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
