We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
