Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
