There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
