So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
