there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
