If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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