pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
