She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize