I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
