what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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