She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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