i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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