I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
