I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
