let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
