for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
