no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize