Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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