Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
