i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
