my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
