in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
