it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Randomize