Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
