I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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