She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
