no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
