he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
