God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
