Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
