I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
