So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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