Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
