he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
