he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
