He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
