Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
