So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
