toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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