Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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