Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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