dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I understand Curling. That high.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize