Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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