the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
