I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
