Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My ass is underappreciated
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
