The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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