OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
