Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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