Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
