only if we run a train.
done.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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