If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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