would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
