I must be too annoying 4 u.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we're making bets on your personal life
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
