That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
