dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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