Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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