batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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