I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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