i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
