Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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