I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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