listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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